so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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