Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
