hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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