i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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