this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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