It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
