i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
