I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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