the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize