Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
