well you can't waste a boner
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
