Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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