Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
