I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
