...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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