u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize