was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
