i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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