if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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