I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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