I skipped work to stalk him.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
