i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My vagina just recognized that song.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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