Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
