looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize