Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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