if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
