I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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