Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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