I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize