Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
