Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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