That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
