Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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