We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
