it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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