My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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