We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
