my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize