i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
