guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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