i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
