OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
