that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
