i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
