In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
