Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
