i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
