did you get engaged???
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
