whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
