fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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