Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
