i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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