ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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