Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
