What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
