You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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