you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
