When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
