One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
