"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
two words...techno handjob
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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