i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
