when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
