Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize