Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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