Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
