Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think i have herpe
just one?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
