were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
