So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
