Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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