Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're too hungover to prance.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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