At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
