Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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