you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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